The best way to describe my mood right now…… Frustrated and annoyed. So pretty stressed I’d say and in a sort of bad mood.

There are various reasons for that I’d say, first of all my sister who can’t take responsibility. She owes me some money, that wouldn’t be really that big a problem if she’d just tell me “I need a month or two to pay you back”, instead however she comes up with all sorts of lies saying that she paid me back but that something went wrong. Sorry but I don’t believe that first things get lost in the mail, then the bank is too slow with something and then a bank teller is corrupt? No sis, you’re just making up BS and when you get caught with the BS you come up with more BS to cover up the BS.  It’s of course never her fault and now she’s gotten to the point where she’s too chicken to even call me. Instead she calls my mother, tells her that she’ll call me and then doesn’t, really classy.

Then there is the job situation, fact is that my contract runs out in five weeks. So I need a new job, thing is that I want to get out of that call center crap, mainly because I won’t find a call center job that pays better than what I get now and also because I’m just fed up with it.  Can’t say that there are a lot of job openings but in a way my mind really isn’t in it to look for another job right now even though I have to. I have my profile up on job searching sites and I do get calls from that….. from call centers. One lady actually called today and said that I should put it up on my profile that I want something else, well she can’t have been the best example of a recruiter seeing it does. Even though she claims it’s not there, she could have saved herself and me some time by just reading.

My grandmother is in the hospital as well for a variety of problems. Cancer removed from her bladder and the lower tract of her digestive tract is actually closed so things looked for another way out. All pretty masty and the doctors don’t really seem to know what to do. The woman is 85 so there will always be the question how much can she handle. In all reality I don’t think she can handle that much , so I wouldn’t be surprised if not too far from now I don’t have anymore grandparents. Though it will be strange, especially because me and my grandmother share a birthday, it might seem minor but I’d say that makes it a bit different.

Then there are the more personal frustrations, the weight loss isn’t going well. When I went on a family visit last month I gained a bit of weight (it happens) but it’s not really going away. Probably because of all the earlier mentioned stress, you just don’t pay as much attention to what you eat when you’re stressed. The fact that I haven’t been to the gym for a couple of weeks because of a knee that’s acting up (never happened before) probably doesn’t help either. So starting tomorrow I really have to change something, even though I’m stressed I have to look at what I’m eating and at what times. Whether I will return to the gym tomorrow or next week is something I don’t know yet.

As far as writing is concerned, well I didn’t place for the Scriptapolooza semi-finals, though I didn’t expect it anyway. Still was a little disappointed. While emotions can be a good fuel for creativity there is also a problem. Yes, I actually did have some good ideas for the rewrite, I just can’t focus on actually sitting down and start writing. This shit just has to end so I can focus. The ideas that I did have I think will be good for the story, they make it more focused on one character and more relatable I think, even though it’s Sci-fi.

So yesterday the quarter finalists for the Scriptapalooza competition were announced and……. I made it to the quarter finals. I have to point out how I approach these things, I assumed that I wouldn’t be in the quarter finals. That’s how I think a lot, assume the worst so the result can actually turn out more positive. Doesn’t mean that I don’t have hopes, of course I hoped I’d make it to the quarter finals.

They announced 377 quarter finalists out of 3541 entries. So I can at least say that they liked my script more than  3164 of the other entries. So I consider that as I must be doing something write and it made it that far despite the structural problems pointed out in the Script Savvy competition. Do I expect to make the semi-finals next week? Of course I don’t, that’s just now how I work. I do hope I will though, they also said that some producers already requested contact info and while I will not expect that to be my contact info, I will still hope for it.

Here we are at work on a Sunday, longer shift than planned because someone went home ill. At least it’s a decent amount of hours now though, the original shift was just too short. No efforts on the job hunt yet, that will start again next week, needed a little break from that. Though my little trip last week wasn’t really a break since I have to deal with that part of the family. My uncle is such a hypocrite that it’s not even funny.

While I’m here I’m hoping that my latest effort in creating a screenwriting environment holds. I felt my whiteboard was too small so I got more now, basically trying to create one big one. Problem is that parts of it came down again, trying to hang it up with double sided type. I think that in changing the mounting procedure it should hold this time, if it doesn’t I have to think of something else. I don’t like to drill walls in the wall.

I think that for the rewrite of the TH script I finally managed to think of a structure which would comply with the three act structure system. I have to put it in there somehow. Not really started writing yet but I’m getting closer, just want to have the clear structured figured out first. Maybe not the best approach but if I don’t want to be back at the same problem after, I have to do it. In the future I’d assume that the three act structure would come more naturally.

If I keep to the structure, keep the story focused and keep my own voice I think it should turn out well. Not saying that it will be a masterpiece but if I didn’t believe in it, I wouldn’t still spend time on it but would just move on to another script.

I think the impossible has happened and my desire to write is starting to return. While I want throw a party quite yet, I am hopeful that I can return to writing. In parts I will also take a different approach, mainly on structure seeing that is where my scripts usually fail. I also decided that I need to think less about what people might think, while in the feedback I got the comment that my own voice was clear, I think it can still be better. It has to be more European is the best way I can think of to say it.

I think with the failed new job I came to a bit of a realization, I really need to take things more into my own hands. I don’t want to be a puppet who’s just told what he’s supposed to do. While I know that in the movie industry that also happens, I feel that through a script I can still make myself heard. That doesn’t mean I will succeed but this “it won’t work anyway” attitude I had lately isn’t working either. If you don’t try it will never happen.

No timeline on when I will do what on the script though. Maybe I should do something like that though.

Nothing written on here in a month and a lot can happen in a month but it can also stay awfully the same. I got the new job, started the new job and quit after four days. I didn’t get training, I didn’t have a place to work, I didn’t get a computer and the atmosphere in the company was lazy and just miserable. If those reasons weren’t enough to leave, the job I was hired for as such didn’t exist and it would have involved me doing things that go against my own principles.

I can honestly say that I need more money and that that job would have given me a far more steady income, however I will not put my own morality overboard just for money. I however was miserable enough there to get to tears, dealing with my own moral issues. While I won’t put the details here, I still am glad that I made that decision. Some people would probably wonder what my big issue is but studying the people there for four days told me enough. No one cares that they are taking part in illegal activities and the people that do care, are miserable. Well I’m someone who cares so I couldn’t have made any different choice.

Sure they tried to talk me out of it, saying that I was rather quick to make the call but I knew what I needed to, to make that decision. While financially it’s a bad thing for me I can still look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and see someone who stands by his principles. It’s not all in vain either, it’s a learning experience. So as such I don’t regret it and at least they’re decent enough to pay me the four days I worked. After I quit I actually had my old job back within two hours, even though that is only for three more months. It however buys me time to find another job. That is something I will really have to look into now, I will start with that next week though. Right now I’m still letting it sink in a little even though I quite six days ago (and already worked two days at my old job again).

Oh yeah, script writing? Didn’t happen obviously. Though I did do some blogging.

Here we are on a Thursday evening at work. Not much going on seeing it’s a late shift, though probably a good thing seeing I didn’t sleep all that well the last couple of days. Well, the sleep was alright actually it just wasn’t long enough

So now there is the issue that I got accepted for another job, however the head office of the company now isn’t sure anymore whether they should hire someone, so after the hiring process. So now that will be decided at the beginning of next week, so that’s when I’ll know whether I’ll get a new job or not. We will have to wait and see.

Screenwriting wise: nothing except for reading Scriptmag.

Work, work, work, that’s all what the last couple of weeks seem to be about. Working five days a week with only single days off in between, never really a moment to really come to rest. So the free moments are used to try and do just that, rest a little. Which means…… that I haven’t really written anything in the last month.

Job applications aren’t flying out either because you don’t actually have that much time to look. When you have a day away from work you try to focus on things that aren’t work. So it doesn’t help when you get calls from your employer on days like that but we have to live with it.  I’m thinking of taking a week or two off in June or so but I’m not sure about that yet. I don’t really want to touch my saved up holiday as I see it as a bit of reserve. However I also need some time to come to rest…… it’s a bit of a dilemma which I have to think about.

Though I’m off for a couple of days next week for my mother’s birthday so that helps. Also working on a holiday this week so that is also some extra pay. Worked the last two weekends actually so income wise it’s not that bad, hoping to build a little buffer right now. Still not trying to spend too much money of course though I spent quite a lot on groceries today. Things were on sale though, so I bought some stuff I don’t have to worry about in the next couple of months now. Twelve rolls of kitchen towels should hold me over for a while.

Working a lot is going over better than I thought in other ways though. I haven’t been in that bad a mood lately actually, maybe because I don’t have time to think about it or maybe because there is the feeling that financially it’s going a bit better now.  Though I at least have a guarantee that if I needed to, I could stay until September where I work now. Doesn’t mean I will stop looking for another job, the situation is just a little less urgent.

I actually got a job offer last week but I said no right away. It would have required me to move to a Berlin at a salary which isn’t any better than what I am making now. So that is an easy decision I think, the extras they offered didn’t really seem promising either. The offer was a bit misleading I feel, acting like things are so much cheaper in Germany while I know that they aren’t. So I would think that a lot of people take a job like that and then feeling screwed over. I wouldn’t actually be against moving out of the country but there has to be a clear gain for me there.

So today I’m not going to do much, just do some cleaning (already did some of that) and mentally prepare for work tomorrow. At least it went to normal quite quickly after the ashcloud business.

So here we are on a Monday, just before noon and I’ve actually been quite active today. Went to the gym bright and early, did my grocery shopping and also went to the DIY store to get some minor stuff. Though it’s always surprising how expensive minor stuff can be.

Thing with the gym is that in a way it’s annoying that I don’t seem to be losing a lot of weight, I mean since last week I barely lost any weight. In that it however is important to remember that I’m not just doing cardio at the gym but also weights. Meaning that I’m adding muscle weight and muscles are heavier than fat. With what I’ve been eating last week it would be pretty much impossible for me to gain weight, except for one day I did a quite strict diet which I’m continuing this week. It involves a lot of fruit really, though also canned fruit which contains sugar but it’s still better than eating no fruit. I use canned fruit for smoothies, it’s not like I eat can after can of it. I made a sort of deal with someone online that we’re going to be a sort of weight loss buddies. So I’m going to tell her things about my endeavors and vice versa, might be only a minor thing but who knows it might help.

Before I left to go  shopping this morning I also got a call from work, asking if I could come in today. While I could use the money I also took my schedule for the next weeks into account (besides the fact that I just got home from the gym), it’s quite busy work wise. That is a welcome thing seeing I could use the money it however also eats time away from other things. Like the weight loss thing, I find it easier to have a controlled diet when you don’t have irregular days. I said no to the extra shift also because I have to work at 6AM tomorrow and I didn’t sleep all that well last night. Wouldn’t have been a full day anyway.

This week I actually only have three days of work, however I also have some other things planned on Thursday and Friday. They have more temps now but still there is quite a lot of work due to vacancies that won’t be filled. Though when three more temps are done with training I expect it to go down a bit again. Going to check the job listings again later today, there has to be something there. Haven’t heard anything from the job application I sent before easter yet but I didn’t expect anything from it yet. Probably a lot of responses, though I would like an answer even if I wasn’t invited for an interview.

At least I work three weekend days in the next three weeks, I’d rather work weekend days than weekdays  right now. They’re so much easier work wise and when you hate your job right now, easy work is good.

As for the rest of today I’m not quite sure what it’s going to bring. I haven’t gotten myself to do any script work the last few weeks, right now I’m focused on getting other things in order like working out, losing weight, finding a job but I will actually try and do one thing on it today. I need an idea for an extra scene I have to add, there is still something missing in the rewrite for TH. The results of Scriptapolooza should be out soon as well, though I don’t actually expect to place there. I can always hope though.

So I finally started what I should have done months ago: I started applying for other jobs. Only one so far but I intend to make that more soon. The job I applied for now is actually at the college I used to go to, the irony. Doesn’t sound too bad and the pay is pretty much more than double than what I make now so I would be happy to get it. Don’t know if I have a chance but if you don’t try, you’ll never get it anyway.

Looking at the financial side I could use it. The standard expenses I have now I can manage, it’s the expenses that aren’t as regular that screw you. Like I have to get one of my bikes fixed now seeing it needs a new rear wheel.  Good thing that work has picked up and that I usually work three or four days a week, I would prefer five days if they were regular hours and the job wouldn’t be so annoying. The customers that is, not the co-workers.

Script wise not a lot going on, didn’t really have the time. Did some minor things here and there but I wouldn’t call that progress. Doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it, it’s just hard to think about it when there are things on your mind. In a way it also relates to the first subject, I think that once I’m more secure financially a load will be taken off and it will also be easier to think.   I hope so anyway.

In the other aspect, the health aspect I think there is some progress. Lost a couple of pounds and I’m trying to maintain a steady pace in losing some weight. Also went to the gym today, sort of sucks that right now I can only manage one time a week, would like to go more often but time is an issue in that. Also the table tennis league games on Fridays are in the way of that but that’s only one more month.  Then I’m quitting, my shoulder just doesn’t want to play along anymore. Who knows, I might return to it one day but right now it’s not an option, also time wise. Once I get another job I will look into other physical activities to join. Also work this afternoon, not looking forward to it but you have to, to pay the bills. The lottery backup plan still hasn’t worked.

So here we are still in March of 2010. For some odd reason I barely have any shifts this week or next week, that while I worked quite a lot in the past few months. Though no one is on holiday so it might have to do something with that. Just hope it doesn’t last too long, though it does give me time for other things. I now have three full days to myself (on the second one of those) so just doing various thing. Tomorrow will probably be partially spent by going through job listings again, decided to not do that today. Today I’ve actually been cleaning and miracle of miracles, I’ve been working on the rewrite for TH.

Actually made a storyboard for that purpose.  First time I’ve ever done that, while I probably should have done that on earlier writing projects. It really does help you to structure thoughts, I decided to go the way of making the scenes character based. So every post it note has a color based on the character it’s focused on. Having done that I also feel like it’s probably best to change a couple of scenes and add some smaller ones, just to help the story along a little. One thing I also did change now is the ending. I never was truly happy about the ending seeing it dragged on a bit, I think I now found a solution that makes it faster paced and more dramatic.  If it will work in the end is something I will have to wait and see about. I know one thing though, I need to get better quality post it notes, the cheap ones I have don’t stick that well even though I cleaned the glass I stuck them on.

As for my weight loss, getting fitter project, it’s going slow. Somehow every time I want to go to the gym there is something.  Like this week, I woke up on Sunday with my lower right leg hurting, don’t know what’s wrong with it, best way to describe it is that the muscles just feel stiff and don’t really want to move. When you move them it hurts, it’s getting better but it’s not something you go to the gym with out of fear that it will get worse. My shoulder hurting doesn’t help either, really going to quit the table tennis after this season, considering that is what’s making it worse. Though I’m not gaining weight right now, so I guess that is a slightly positive thing. Need to really go onto the diet eating plan though, seeing I still have my goal to reach before the summer.